How I Became Who I Am Today; Joee Normandeau

This is a project I had to do for english, I just thought I should post it :)
ENJOY !

Age 7: A Mistake

It all started when I was 7 years old. The mistake that caused all my pain and suffering started with a blunt agreement. I was an oblivious and gullible child, who had the wool pulled over his eyes. This is the year that my step father had me agree to let him adopt me as his son. I thought, why would I let him? He’s a great father, and I already considered him my father. I’d later find out that it was all a show, and this agreement would later create my demise.

Age 8: Welcome to the World

On my way home, my brother and I were walking home from school nearly at home. I was very excited for the upcoming Yu-Gi-Oh! tournament that night. I was speaking loudly, basically yelling with excitement with my brother, out of excitement and pure glee. Then a guy came out of his apartment, approximately on the 3rd floor, who I later found to be Kunar, and yelled at us to “Shut the f*** up, People are sleeping!” with a hatchet in hand.

I was scared, needless to say. Surprisingly, my brother and I never told anyone. Every time I’d approach his street I’d walk on the other side and ran past his house till I was home. Eventually I told some people, just not my parents. Knowing they’d blow it out of proportion, or maybe it was cause of the rumours I heard about him. According to the rumours, he’s killed people before and has a rap sheet, and as a child I believed it all. It wasn’t till 3 weeks after that my parents heard from my babysitter the whole story. That year, we moved.

Age 8: Adaptation

Like stated in the previous section, I moved to 444 Stirling Avenue South, because of Kunar. I had to learn how to adapt. So I became more outgoing. Since I moved, I lost my best friend. I tried to keep in contact, but it slowly faded to grey. It wasn’t till recently that I’ve finally obtained and found someone I can call my best friend. Mainly because of my experiences, I never let anyone in.

Age 13: Changes

Everyone around me was changing, everyone but me. I lost friends constantly; some wouldn’t talk to me, or just move away. I’d try and talk to them, but I could feel the distance. I didn’t lose as much friends as I would at the age of 14 years old. As a child, I always heard about people losing themselves and thought it was impossible to become someone other than yourself, or even losing yourself. But that’s exactly what happened to me. For the first and certainly not last time, I lost myself. This would become a reoccurring event.

Age 14: Playing Chameleon

I tried to find myself. In the process, I made other versions of myself that I though I used to be. I thought I found myself eventually, but then I lost it, yet again. This process happened constantly. Eventually I became what everyone wanted me to be, drifting further from myself. Problems at home started to arise at this point. Drama at school, personal problems, problems at home, etc. it became too hard to handle. I became, “The Kid Hiding Behind His Smile.”

Age 14: Yet another disconnection

I felt as if I was losing everything. This was no more than the truth. I lost a lot of my friends; you’d think I’d be used to it. I changed myself to try and keep them. It didn’t work. My step father showed another side of himself, more so this year. He’d take away things for no reason. I know how that sounds, it seems as if I’m being biased, but it truly isn’t. He’d take away my door to my room, my TV., my computer, my cell phone, my free time, my school, my light bulb, the list just goes on and on. I needed my free time for me! I needed my computer because its how I vent, keep in contact with my friends, and a computer was my portal to another world. A world where everything was better. I can’t even believe the stuff he’s taken away. If taking away things weren’t enough, he put limits on everything. I couldn’t go out with my friends because he’d taken my money. Expecting me to somehow get to my friends house without a bus or a car. Sometimes he’d lose his temper, and shove me or squeeze me hard and spit in my face. I was too afraid and broken to do anything about it.

I felt cut off from the world. I couldn’t contact or even maintain my friends, causing us to drift further apart. I couldn’t contact my mom. She didn’t know what was going on at home. She worked night shifts. I only saw her in the mornings on weekdays. So in fact, I felt I lost my mother. This would be the year, which my nights would become sleepless and full of sadness. I’d cry every night this year until I was 16.

Ages 15: Can’t live this life

Death. I always felt sorry for the people that committed suicide, or even attempted it. How could I have become this? I thought people giving up on life were stupid. But here I was thinking of how I was going to kill myself. I gave up on life. Not knowing how to deal with all this. I didn’t want to die, but I felt as if it was my only solution. So I tried different options, like running away, which I did do. Then I actually tried to kill myself. Not once, not twice. In fact, I lost count of how many times I tried and failed. I felt I was destined to live this life of torment and suffering. I look back on this now and think how stupid this all sounds. But you’ll never know the way I felt. I can only try and conjure words to try and summarize the feeling. I felt as if there was a hole in my heart, that no one loved me. Alone. I’d always think everything I did was a mistake and wrong. The feeling was indescribable.

Age 16: Me, for Me

I am found. I know who I am, I even found out what I want to do! It took a lot, but I realized I can’t expect others to change my life for me. So I did. I know myself, just learning everyday. Even though my past seems horrible, and I wouldn’t want to re-live it, I wouldn’t change a thing. It’s made me who I am today. I’m a strong, independent person, who lives for every moment and tries to as happy as he can. I’ve learned that I’m a person that finds beauty in everything, mainly because of my experiences. I know what I want to do with my life. I don’t expect to be loved. I believe respect is earned, not given. I’m an extremely bubbly and happy guy! The list goes on. And this is all because of my hardships that I’ve become the person who I am today. I no longer think death is the way to go. In fact I even attend a anti bulling and violence group called, “Wayve.” Today, I just ignore my step father, my mother has switched to day shift So I can see her more often. I’ve taken hold of my future by paying attention to class and improving my grades. I’ve also have gotten a job. I have many friends, and I finally have a best friend once again. But most of all, I love myself for who I am, and can’t wait for what the future holds!

If anyone tells you that happy endings are a myth, tell them to screw off. It’s a lie. You can live your life anyway you want. Don’t let anyone change your life for the worse. Your life, your choice.


Playlist for this Memoir:
(Recommended to listen during or after reading)

Pages – There for Tomorrow
Pages (Acoustic) – There for Tomorrow
Paradise – T-Max
When I Grow Up – Mayday Parade
From Yesterday – 30 Seconds to Mars
Goodbye, You Suck – Shiloh
Who I Am – Nick Jonas and The Administration
How to Save A Life – The Fray
When You’re Gone – Avril Lavigne
Let This Go – Paramore
Beautiful Blue – Holly McNarland
Reject Yourself – Killswitch Engage




Thanks for reading!
- Joee Normandeau